I'm so tired

I'm so tired of my life. What is happiness? How do you make it happen when so much is going wrong? How do you look for love when you know you will be singled out for your faults? The past 3 and 1/2 years of my life have been the MOST trying times for me, and I'm not sure how long I can keep up this front or fool myself into believing happiness will come. It's hard when you have no one to talk to, no one understands why, and no one ever really will unless they experience it for themselves. Its an alienation and pain I feel that most people never will know, and I would never wish it on my worst enemy. I'm such a loving person, and my heart yearns to feel that from someone else. It hurts that there's this huge barrier between me and my possible connection. It eliminates most of the population off the bat. Now people can speculate that I'm just being dramatic. If you do, so be it, but things aren't always what they appear. I know I'm a strong woman-I wouldn't have lasted this long between the pains of my internal problems, stress at work, and the feeling of overall failure, it can be overwhelming-but how much longer will it last? I know what I deal with is so much smaller than some peoples problems, but so much bigger from a lot of people I know. My friends criticize me all the time and have no idea they're doing it because they just don't know the whole story. Is it time for me to open up or move on? I couldn't remove myself from the world, but I can't leave myself open for so much judgement and lying (don't tell me its okay). Just know what I feel and respect it, and know that when I say I will need to work for love, I REALLY WILL. It's not as simple as you think. I don't mean just from the opposite sex, but from anybody. Its hard to believe people will accept you for who you are when they don't for everyone else. Maybe they're just a reflection of me, but I feel that I try to accept all that makes people happy. It's when people are unhappy and want to spread it that I have to move on, and if this post makes you think the same for me, then so be it. If I bring any type of negativity to your life, I apologize, but I would NEVER want to bring anyone else down, so please, move on. I'll be ok...

Welcome

Welcome to my Blog. I have the most random thoughts in the world throughout the day, and this is just an experiment to see how this will work out for me. You're welcome to sit and watch the fluctuations in my moods for as long as I feel like writing...Wish me luck!